What has Lupus Taught You?

I just came home from school and I have decided to listen to my body that has been screaming out for some rest. As my body sinks into the comfort of my bed, I drift slowly down Memory Lane.

Strolling and reminiscing, I’ve seen just how much I have grown as an individual. Before me stands all my accomplishments, my smart choices, my not so smart choices, my mistakes; good times, bad times, the in between; disappointment, laughter, surprises… All of which have moulded into the person that I have become.

Going further, I make an effort to pass some friends that no longer play important roles in my life. There was Negativity, Self-Pity, Blame, Ignorance By Choice, Anger and Bitterness. I wave them goodbye. I begin to smile when I see my new friends that I have become rather close to since lately. I decided not simply pass them by but to ask them nicely to accompany me on the rest of my journey.My best friend, Optimism, holds tightly unto my hand, even when I let go off hers. She’s absolutely amazing! I also enjoy spending time with Humility, Laughter, Wisdom, Inner-Strength and Accepting Change, so eagerly welcome them to join me on my stroll.
Feeling a little tired, I decided to rest at the Lupus Bus Stop. With my ex-friends behind me, I realize that my focus is no longer on what I have lost. Refocused my mind ponders the question: “What has Lupus taught me?”

Lupus has taught me the most important thing I’ll ever learn: Who I am and who God is. Maybe it was in the midst of all the pain and the nights when I had to go through it alone. Maybe it was in the hospital. Maybe it was when I finally came to the realisation that my entire life had changed. Maybe it was in those times when I felt alone and away from everybody. Maybe it was those nights when I would sleep on a wet pillow… But somewhere in the midst of everything, I found myself and I found God. There were times when, despite the love and support, nobody could help me but God. I had no choice but to turn to Him and that was the beginning of a wonderful relationship with my Creator. I also found the person within. I am now completely sure about who I am because I have spent quality time with myself. I turned me inside out and got to know all my crevices and corners. It was imperative that I did this in order to continue fighting this disease. Lacking the certainty of who I was would get me nowhere. Now that I know myself and God, I live with purpose.

Lupus has taught me what love is. Love is not something we say, feel or fall in. Love is something we do. The people that are there through it all are the people who really love us. The persons we can call in the middle of the night when pain keeps us awake, the ones that put up with our mood swings, the ones who get angry when we do something that makes us sick, the persons that, without even knowing, push us when we cannot seem to sum up the strength to go on. Those individuals are love impersonated.

Lupus has taught me to fight. Lupus is a battle we fight every second of everyday. Some people will never fully understand that statement. Sometimes it takes every bit of strength and will power to do the things we once considered normal. For me, it’s a fight to get up out of the bed, for sometimes it seems as if fatigue and pain have tied my arms and legs to the bed posts. Walking down a flight of stairs can be agonizing when arthritis holds tightly on my 19 year old legs, making them feel like 90. If I can push my way through all that Lupus throws at me, what else can I not handle? If Lupus is so much and I’m fighting it, defeat has become history.

Lupus has taught me that life is short. It matters not what age, creed, religion or race one is, time waits on no man. I moved from being a perfectly healthy teenager to fighting for my next breath. I do make long term plans but I live for today because Lupus has shown me that the only guarantee I have is NOW.

I’ve decided to leave this Lupus Bus Stop because it’s just what it says it is: A bus stop. Somewhere to pause, not dwell. I strongly believe that some day, I will be free of this disease. However, now, I live through it. It is not about loving Lupus and being glad I got it. Its about milking good out of all the bad that surrounds us. As I head back to the present, I know deep in my heart that I’ll take all the lessons I learnt from Memory Lane with me.
What has Lupus taught you?

By: Shoyéa-Gaye Grant©