Lupus or Awesomeness?

“Ash, I have something to tell you.”

“Go ahead,” I responded from the other end of the line.

“I have lupus.” I heard the words and they quickly replayed in my head. LUPUS.

At that point, I only had a little knowledge of the disease, and my experience with it was not good. Immediately, I remembered Toni Braxton’s announcement of not being able to tour again because of the same disease. Then my mind went back to losing my assistant at work to Lupus. This was as much as I knew about the disease – this was my experience. So you can well imagine the thoughts that ran through my head when I heard those words. Strangely, and almost immediately though, what stood out was the fact that Shoy had decided to open up and tell me what she was dealing with from the start of our relationship. This had a much greater effect on me than the news itself.

That night when she fell asleep on the other end of the line (as we slept in each other’s ear every night), I spent the next two hours on my MacBook researching everything possible about the disease, from symptoms to life expectancy, to medication, to possible cure. I was now determined to learn everything possible about the dreaded disease. After all, the one whom I was quickly growing in love with faced its challenges on a daily basis. Over the next few days and weeks and months, I learned more about the disease by asking questions and observing whenever we were physically together.

I quickly discovered the daily challenges that so many people don’t see: the constant fatigue, the joint pains, the occasional vomiting, the will it takes to simply get out of bed. But it was in this process of lupus discovery that I began to see what mattered most – the person dealing with the disease. While it pained my heart to witness those challenging moments, I became amazed at the drive and will power she possesses. I wondered, how can someone with so much pain, someone so tired, give so much of herself daily, to help others in need? How could someone having to deal with so many challenges have gained so much and achieved so much? How could someone with so much pain and so tired encourage me to keep fighting through my own struggles, and remind me that everything will be alright?

It still amazes me how the woman I love refuses to let a disease that does so much, and causes so much pain, to dictate her life. She fights it like a true warrior, and on most days, even when it may slow her down, she does not give in. She is now my daily inspiration; whether I am in pain, tired or frustrated, I remind myself that she goes through so much more than I do, yet she fights on, and if she can, I have no excuse.

For some reason, I am not bothered by Lupus. Firstly, I serve a God who has worked miracles in both our lives, both individually and as a couple. And even in the midst of challenges, God continues to work those miracles showing us that He is still in charge. And because of this, I chose to love the blessing that He has given to me with every bit of my being. Before Shoy, I was depressed daily, with my son as my only inspiration to stay alive, but now I have two precious blessings.

Proposing to Shoy in the middle of the ocean while whale watching was a really special moment, not because of where we were, but because she said yes. Nothing beats the thought of spending your life with the one you’re absolutely in love with. Well so I thought, until the day I looked at her captivating smile, as she walked towards me on our wedding day. And nothing could have been better than to have my son, our families, and our friends share that moment. Later that evening as we relaxed alone, I tried my best to tell her how much I love her, and how wonderful a person she is, but words just could not do justice.

Anyone who has had the chance to know my wife, and has seen her drive, her fight, her determination, her willingness to ignore the pain to help someone else, will agree with me that she is one of a kind, a heavenly jewel. So who is, and what is Lupus? Lupus is nothing compared to the AWESOMENESS that I see when I look at Shoyéa-Gaye, or the beauty that I see when I look into her eyes or see her smile, or hear her laughter.

Shoyéa-Gaye has taught me that I can win, no matter the challenge that I face. She has taught me that when God allows challenges in our lives, they are opportunities to bless others, opportunities to teach and inspire others. This is what she does everyday!

What else can I say? I did not marry lupus; I got married to AWESOME!

By: Ashley Massicotte ©