Happy Birthday, Ash!!!

Happy birthday Ash,

Gosh, I looooooove you!!!!

I am beyond honored and so very blessed to be with you, live with you, wake up beside you, share a life with you as you greet another year of life. You are, undoubtedly, the jerk sauce on the jerk chicken of my life. For indeed, what is jerk chicken without jerk sauce? Nothing, Babe. Absolutely NOTHING!

 

   

 

My love, I think we have been dealt some really difficult hands in life. Even before we knew each other, we have had to fight our own battles and overcome our own obstacles. We still have thorns in our flesh that we pray daily for God to remove. But through them all, God has given us the willpower to play those hands like true bosses so we still remain grateful because those challenges have propelled us into growth, they have revealed hidden strengths and lessons that we now use as weapons of warfare against new and present adversities, and most importantly, they ultimately brought us together. You see, while the manifestations were disappointment, difficultly, frustrations, loss and heartbreak, behind the scenes, the hands of fate were plotting a brilliantly divine conspiracy in which those were specific routes we had to take in order for us to arrive at the destination of finding each other.

 

 

So here we are today.

Some people think we are the perfect couple. Maybe because we are always smiling, holding hands in public, loving up on each other, having cute pictures, etc… Boy, are they wrong. We are so very far from perfect. We are two completely different individuals – from different cultures, with different beliefs and personalities – cohabitating. Opposites attract? Sure! But opposites also butt heads, misunderstand each other and get annoyed with each other much more often than they should… especially when those opposites are similarly stubborn.

So while we are certainly not perfect, what we are undoubtedly, is happy. And my love, that, I have learnt, is even better.

Thank you for holding my hands when we are sitting next to each other, watching tv in the privacy of our home and for pulling the couch I am sitting on closer to you, so I can be within your reach (even though my first inclination is to scream because I think it’s an earthquake). Thank you for being my teddy bear and my pillow at nights (even when it isn’t the most comfortable thing for you), for kissing me in the mornings before you get out of our bed, for taking a million pictures for me until I find the right one, and for playing with me and making me laugh until I come close to peeing myself. Thank you for listening to my emotion-filled rants while you try your best not to insert your naturally logical thoughts, for loving me through the pain, complications and unpredictability of Lupus, and for bringing the most wonderful little boy into my life. Thank you, Ash, for making me happy.

 

 

Thank you for showing me that love can grow, even in the hardest of times. And Lord, it seems we just cannot get a break from hard times. You would think that because we live with so many challenges, we would be given a pass now and then, right? Nope, they just keep on coming.

For instance, when we got married and returned here, none of us anticipated how difficult my journey would be. Maybe becoming totally immersed in the culture would be difficult. But not finding a job, especially since I had worked here before and my skills were on demand…. Bruh! Wrong again! But in the eight months that it took for me to become employed as a psychologist, you held me physically, spiritually, financially and emotionally as I went through grief, anger, regret and depression. In so many ways, I felt like the country that chose me, now rejected me because I was not a ‘national’. It seemed that all that I had worked for and accomplished in my own country was worth nothing. The feeling of disillusionment consumed me and almost outed my fiery passion. To cope, I buried myself in books and series and anything that would make me forget my reality. There were times when I did not talk to you because I just could not speak about it at the time (yes, yes, we are ignoring the fact that I am a psychologist). Trying to block out everything associated with the pain of the experience was all I could do to not lose my mind. But in blocking everything out, I also blocked out you. Even then, while you struggled with your own guilt for what you would refer to as “putting me in this situation” and even though I could see the distance was tearing you apart, you would still hold me and tell me that everything would work out and no matter what, I would always have you. While you may have thought that your words were not much, your consistency was enough to pull me out of my hopeless abyss to a place where I became motivated to pursue jobs, even if they were not in my field of expertise, which opened doors for short contacts and research assignments. Thank you for loving me through the times when I could not open up to you, until I got to the place where you’re now my best friend and I can share my thoughts and emotions with you even before they make sense in my own head.

Then came a job I had applied for years before, and I was finally doing what I really wanted to. You were my biggest cheerleader. And with the same intensity of support you rendered when I was hired as a psychologist, you lovingly dispensed when I decided to walk away from that job. Again, you held me through the sadness and tears of the anticlimax, and reminded me that I had your support to walk away from anything that I felt impeded my growth and happiness. So today, when I currently have a job that I thoroughly enjoy, I am more appreciative of it because of the journey I had to take to get here and because I have you by my side. You see Babe, I always knew I could defy odds… but with you, I am surely going to make much more than a dent in the world. Thank you for always supporting me and for being the wind beneath these butterfly wings of mine.

But our greatest test, by far, was Hurricane Maria. One moment we were playing dominoes, the next, we were using towels to block the bottom of doors to prevent water from coming in, then the next we were moving things into the few dry areas because our roof had lifted and everything and everywhere was getting wet. Then, we were huddled together, Jélani under our computer table holding my leg and you fighting against the merciless onslaught of wind and rain to hold the door in place until all the colour drained from your fingers and all the veins in your hands seemed like they would pop. Then, to when the hurricane passed and we put plastic bags on two wet couches that we hunched together so the three of us could sleep a little. But you did not sleep. For hours, you held pieces of clothing over Jélani’s head and mine so we could sleep. Thank you for being a constant reminder that love isn’t just something we say. Love does. Love protects. Love gives. Love is faithful. Love is kind. Love is unselfish.

That night, though very traumatic, was just the beginning. In a couple of hours, our whole lives changed. For weeks, we had to wear masks to protect ourselves from dust. We had no water at home so rivers became the chill spot for bathing and washing and far away streams became our source for drinking water. Often, we returned home to wet beds and a flooded house. The constant rains that we became accustomed to, we now dreaded. Before long, we could no longer live in the upstairs of our house so the basement became our abiding place for months until our roof was reconstructed. That small one-bedroom basement was so stuffed, we just kept tripping over things and each other. Even then, whenever it rained, you had to sweep out buckets of water from upstairs until your hands, feet and back were sore because if left to settle, the water would seep through the overly saturated walls to meet and greet us in the basement. We also had no electricity for over nine months so the sound of generators became our norm, we became professionals at saving phone batteries and of course, the gas industry made millions off of us. Thank you for remaining hopeful and positive in that challenging phase of our lives and for doing everything in your power to make the hard times easier.

This September will mark the second anniversary of the passage of Hurricane Maria and we are still repairing. It has been a tough journey, to say the least. It was one that tested our resolve and our commitment to each other in ways we never imagined… and we passed. I am so privileged to be witness to you exceeding your expectations as we persevere in building back better and stronger. As I watch you continue to dig, mix, pull, carry, paint, drag, hang out of windows and tilt over our roof – which can be quite terrifying at times – the pride that engulfs me is uncontainable. And your drive to keep pushing is infectious. I said, “Let’s pay someone to paint”. You said, “Babes, let’s paint our home ourselves”… Before long we got caught up in the excitement of choosing colours and styles and the art of personalising.  For every renovation, you asked how I would like it to be, even the smallest of detail, like the colour of the handles for the kitchen cupboards. Thank you for always remembering that we are one and we are a team.

 

 

When we got married, it was your house. I came and met things the way they were. Today, its our house: a reflection of us and a result of our blood, sweat and tears. I finally get it: this is what it means to build a life with someone. Thank you for rebuilding with me and for including me in every part of the process. Actually, thank you for making me feel like the boss most times.

 

 

 

 

But even as the adversities are many, so are the moments of happiness. Like being able to laugh as we struggled to steadily hold an umbrella while we jumped to avoid oil splashes, when rain started pouring through our uncovered roof as we tried to fry bakes and plantains. Like enjoying the beauty of the stars and the moonlight on our anniversary, just two weeks after Hurricane Maria, and talking for hours since all the distractions of our technological era was taken from us. Like the miracle of me bathing in ice cold rivers without getting a Lupus flare.  Like having a happy dance and a praise party the first time we flipped a switch and electricity lit our house. Like coming home to WiFi  and cable after a year and three months of living without them. Like developing a stronger bond after going through life-altering circumstances where the things that usually make life comfortable were taken away, and all we were left with was each other. Like getting to know and enjoy each other so much more. Like watching you unearth strength you never knew you had, surpass your own limitations and grow in ways you had never imagined.

And I am confident that God will create many more opportunities that will draw us even closer to Him and to each other and that will propel us into the evolution of our best selves. I am also confident that many miracles are in store for us… Much much greater than our minds can conceive. But more than anything else, I look forward to walking this journey with you, to opening new chapters with you, to growing more in love with you.

Happy birthday, my Superman. I am so proud to love you and to be loved by you. The “goose pimple – fighting back tears – heart icons in my eyes” kind of proud.

My maaannnnzzz!!!!!!! (in Munch’s voice)

 

Now and for always,

Your Shoy

 

 

Shoyéa-Gaye Grant-Massicotte ©