Before I was a university scholar, an associate clinical psychologist and a wife, I was an advocate. Advocacy isn’t something that is done once a year or for a period of time until the fire dies down. It is a way of life, a state of being. I have come to believe that advocacy is a fundamental aspect of who I am and who I will always be. I have spent the last 7 years fighting for the rights of people living with Lupus and being a voice for the silent fighters. I have spent the last 3 years shining the light on mental health and psychological disorders. Since lately, I have been drawn to a different, but equally powerful cause that affects much more people than any statistic has been able to capture. I have joined the cause to stand up against abuse in all forms, whether it be physical, verbal, emotional or domestic abuse, or gender-based violence. Abuse has seeped in every crease and crevice of our existence and socialization. As a result of the gravity of this issue, now is not the time to just speak or even project our voices. It is time to yell, to scream, to howl, to shriek so loudly that it reaches the ears of the deaf and jolts awake those submerged in the slumber of denial and indifference.
We live in an era that has tunnel vision or is blind in one eye. We teach our children about “stranger danger” when often times our children are hurt by those closest to them… and us. Public condemnation is loud and vivid when a child is severely beaten, yet in the confines of the home, some words are uttered to our children that break their little hearts, cause their self-esteem to plunge, and result in wounds that may never heal. Our religious groups will rise up when they feel that certain people and lifestyles will compromise their core beliefs but remain silent to the plight of the abused.
Frequently, we are told how to dress and advised on places to avoid so as to decrease our chances of being attacked by predators. As adult women, we are advised to carry pepper spray, and our teenagers are told to walk in groups, while our children and babies are taught about “good touch” and “bad touch”. All these are important, of course. The problem is that this is a lopsided approach that totally ignores the responsibility of the abusers. This then leads to victim blaming by members of society – whether consciously or unconsciously, verbally or in thought – and even more detrimental, self-blame by the victims themselves. When these are the only messages that are promoted by our socializing institutions, it is very difficult to convince the abused that he/she is not responsible. It cannot be that the only time someone hears repeatedly that the abuser is ultimately responsible, is after he/she has been abused. While we have to preach the message of precaution, it is time that we start to lay the blame squarely at the feet of the abusers, which is rightfully where it belongs. The victim is never ever responsible, not because she wore revealing clothes, not because he/she is a troublesome child, not because he is gay or was dressed like a woman, not because they were walking late at night, not because you forgot to close your door or your window before you went to bed. No victim is ever asking for it.
We are governed by leaders and governments that sometimes fail to allocate resources to areas where they are most needed. I have asked these questions innumerable times but I am yet to find the answers: When the justice system does not work, how does the survivor of the abuse obtain justice and walk the path to complete healing? Where do we house the children who have been abused but have no family members to take them in? Do we send them back into the same environment or do we place them into a broken system or into an institution that lacks most of the resources to adequately facilitate their recovery? What biopsychosocial interventions are in place for the perpetrators of abuse so as to decrease recidivism? And the most troubling of all: Why is it that the issue of abuse seems to attract much attention and intervention only when it crawls up the steps and knocks on the door of Money, Power and Influence?
While it is true that the institutions of the church, the school, the family and the government should be playing a more active role in the fight against abuse, we need to realise that we are the ones who make up these institutions. Thus, each and every one of us has a part to play.
I watched with pride as different groups in the Caribbean joined together to raise awareness of abuse and stand up against it, under the umbrella organization of Life in Leggings. It is an honour to be a part of this regional awakening. I congratulate these different groups for their sacrifice and their efforts. The impact these groups are making is extremely profound. It is time we all follow suit.
If you are trained and qualified to help persons recover from abuse, provide the service. If you have resources or access to the resources, extent your assistance. If you have ears, listen to those who are hurting. If you have a voice, speak out against it.
If you know or love someone who has been abused, your love and support can help that person to heal. If you know or love someone who abused or is abusing someone, your decision to get that person the necessary help or to make a report will stop the present abuse and may prevent future abuse. If you are being abused, by speaking out, you will begin the transformation from a victim to a survivor, and your courage will inspire others to continue to shatter the silence.
If you have been abused, you can, like some of the bravest people I know, become advocates. If you deny it, try to forget it or keep it huddled inside, it will become parasitic, sucking out your potential to take this negative experience and use it for good. You have a duty to yourself to use your story to reach the people who can only be touched by those who are fighting the same battle. You have a duty to speak for the people who cannot speak for themselves.
Today, whoever you are, let us beat our drums and blow our whistles as loudly and as long as we can. Let us sound our alarms. Let us make an explosion. Let us sound the trumpet. Let us make a gonglike wail, an outcry so loud that it reaches the ears of the deaf and jolts awake those submerged in the slumber of denial and indifference.
Rise up Caribbean!
#LifeInLeggings
#LévéDomnik
Shoyéa-Gaye Grant-Massicotte ©
Heartbreakingly profound.